Well, shoot. It’s been so long that I feel pretty sheepish writing something new at this point. Not only am I rusty when it comes to writing, I don’t even know where to begin..
It’s been quite a few months. I’m now a stay-at-home mom. I quit my managerial position at my place of work in order to be able to spend more time with my sweet kiddo. I’m even able to volunteer half the week at his school, which both of us have grown to love. At work I had gotten to the point where, not only was I missing out on so much of his life, but I had honestly begun to lose myself a bit. My chaotic life had caused me to feel so much unlike the person I used to be. Now that my days have taken on a much slower pace, I’ve begun to recognize myself again. I feel more than I used to. I care about people deeply again. I’m softer, in a sense.
I’ve also experienced deep loss. My sweet cousin lost her battle to cancer a few months back. That one hit me hard.
She was an incredible, hilarious person and I miss her dearly.
Also, I became pregnant in August.
Unfortunately, I was never able to fully celebrate this because the pregnancy turned out to be ectopic. I ended up needing emergency surgery to remove the baby, as well as my right Fallopian tube. Although I’m still mourning this loss, I’m thankful to be alive as ectopics can easily become life-threatening. Following the surgery, I experienced so many emotions. Mainly, I just felt incredibly angry that we never got to meet yet another child. I feel nothing can compare to our first “miscarriage” when we lost Eli, but this time around still hit hard. I love being a mother more than anything in the entire world. It makes up the very core of my being. I just want another little nugget to love and nurture. I’m so insanely thankful for my little boy, and I know we can make motherhood happen again in one way or another. Hope is something I’ll never let go of.
So…if you’re wondering where I’ve been. I’ve just been losing my mind a bit.
Depression. Such an ugly word for an ugly state of being. I’ve come to know it well during the last few decades of my life. I know what you’re thinking: She’s about to get weird and emotional, and you’re right! I debated on writing this because, well, sometimes being vulnerable is scary. Actually, it’s downright terrifying #scarierthanthefirsttimeisawthering. But I figured- if nobody talks about it, then how is anyone supposed to understand it? I realize this topic is completely unrelated to my normal posts, but I think the stray is necessary. I’ve been a bit M.I.A. lately, and this is why.
Let me start by opening up a bit. Depression and I are twenty-year wrestling partners. Sometimes I come out on top, and sometimes he does. When I’m im the lead, I feel…normal. That’s the level I strive for. People who suffer from depression aren’t reaching for spectacular, they just want to feel like they belong with the rest of the human race. When I’m “winning,” I cope well with change. I feel confident in myself, my achievements, and my decisions. I feel the full range of emotions without going to any extremes. I’m also logical and rational (well…as much so as the next person). Overall, I’m content.
When depression takes the reigns, I shift. I lose interest in the hobbies that once brought me joy. I become irrational and overly emotional. I get overwhelmed far too easily. I pull away from my friends and family. I go into what I refer to as “hermit mode,” which basically means that I become a social shut-in and spend most of my free time in bed with Netflix and my cats. It’s not pretty.
Many things can trigger depression, and those triggers can vary from person to person. For example, it can be caused by a difficult life event or loss. In my case, it’s hereditary. I come from a long line of hermits. No matter how much I will the happy chemicals in my brain to “buck up,” they just refuse. Little a-holes. A few years ago, I had to resort to prescription anti-depressants to bring about my normalcy. While they did bring up my mood, they also numbed my emotions slightly which caused me to kind of forget how feelings worked. I had to wean myself off my prescription during the last few months due to personal reasons (hey, I can’t be a complete open book), and let me tell you….
Life’s been…interesting..
Sad things are suuuuper sad.
Angry things are so FREAKING infuriating.
Happy things are only *slightly* happy.
You get the gist. It takes strength and a whole lot of focus to get through my days.
Let me bring you back around here. I’m not writing this to make you feel any sort of pity-like emotions for me. Trust me, that’s the last thing I want. Even on my toughest days, I work hard at coping and being as strong as possible. I don’t currently have medication to rely on, so I have to work extra hard at focusing on the positives in my life right now. Luckily, there are many. Other things that seem to help are exercising (so I’ve heard), eating better, reaching out to friends I trust, eliminating stressors, and pushing myself towards activities that bring me joy.
Quick side note: If you are close with someone who is depressed, don’t give up on them. Keep reaching out even if it feels like they just continue to pull away. Depending on their level of depression, it may take them longer to come out of it. Some simply can’t do it on their own. And sadly, some will never come out of it. They will, however, appreciate your loyalty and persistence (probably). Honestly, I completely *get* that depressed people aren’t the most fun to be around, but you may be the only bit of light they see during their darkest times.
So now you know why I’ve been posting slightly less as of late. I actually didn’t realize I was in this big of a slump until I was about waist deep. The good thing is, once I realize it, I immediately start my hard fight out of the depths. Hang with me, friends, I’m trying harder than you realize. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I can only hope this helps others who struggle with this very real condition to know that they are definitely not alone. And if you choose to hang in there with me, I can promise to try and make you laugh through the hard times. Laughter really is the best medicine!
All my love (and crazy feelings). Stay weird!
-Rachel
P.S.-I once read a fellow blogger’s take on her own depression, and it’s worth a gander if you want to feel some humor and empathy. Click here to read.
Ooh La Lash! Alright friends, I have a secret. I’ve been cheating the genetic system. You see, I was born with horrible lashes. They grow every which way, they’re sparse, and they’re quite stubby. I’ve tried everything to create the illusion of fuller lashes. I’ve used almost every lash curler on the market. I’ve tried multitudes of mascaras. I’ve even tried taking breaks from eye products all together to see if that would make a difference. Not one thing has worked…until NOW! I feel like I’m doing a voiceover for an infomercial.. But seriously, this product has done wonders for my eyelashes.
So what is this miracle product I speak of? Meet RapidLash Eyelash and Eyebrow Enhancing Serum! Obviously, I will be reviewing this heaven-sent product for this segment of Tester Tuesday.
RapidLash retails for $49.95 at Ulta. On Ulta.com, this product includes the following description:
RapidLash formulation is rich in a multitude of highly effective ingredients that not only promote the appearance of more youthful, beautiful lashes and brows, but also help provide beneficial care and nourishment to lashes and brows. A potent blend of ingredients functions as effective moisturizers, conditioners and strengthening agents. Together they help promote lash and brow durability, shine, sheen and overall healthier-looking appearance of lashes and brows. Many ingredients in the formula have soothing and calming properties to ensure a gentle application each time.
I have been waiting to review this product until I knew for sure that it was giving me the results I was looking for. It’s much like Latisse, but contains ingredients which are much gentler on the eye area. I apply the serum along my lash line every night, and saw results after around 4 weeks. I’ve been using it for 8 weeks now, and am so shocked with how long and full my eyelashes have gotten!
I honestly have zero complaints! If you’re interested in trying this product, please be patient. You won’t see results overnight, or even after a few weeks. But stick with it, and you’ll eventually see a major improvement in the thickness and overal quality of your eyelashes! I’ve gotten so many compliments on them lately, and I love the drama I get with something as simple as a quick mascara application now. So get to growin’, ladies!
But wait, there’s more! (I’m still on that infomercial kick.) Check out the other products being reviewed on the blogs below! The other Tester Tuesday ladies I collaborate with are so talented, so be sure to stop on by their little corners of the Internet!
It’s my favorite day of the week! As most of you know, every Tuesday a group of bloggers (myself included) review a different beauty product for your reading pleasure. I’ll be talking about the Lorac Pro Contour Palette today.
This palette will be released in Ulta on 06/14/15 and will retail for $45. I was lucky enough to get my hands on it a bit early! The palette includes three highlight shades and three contour shades. All are matte except for the Shimmer Highlight, which is the largest highlight shade of the three. I was pleased with how buttery and smooth these colors were! I mean, it’s really no surprise seeing as how my Lorac eyeshadow palettes are some of the best that I own.
They blend beautifully, and I’m never left feeling my skin appears blotchy or uneven after I apply. I also love that they don’t go overboard with the amount of shades. Some contour kits come with so many different light and dark colors that even the most experienced makeup artist may get confused. The palette comes with a flat, soft brush that makes chiseling out those cheek and jawbones easy! You also get a handy little booklet that explains how to contour and the intended use of each shade.
Don’t throw this away! It really is useful.
Normally I like to make a pro and con list for the products I review, but I honestly can’t think of any cons! Go forth and contour with the help of Lorac, beauties! Before I forget to mention it- these shades can also double as eyeshadows to create a lovely, natural eye look. I love when you can get more than one use out of a beauty product!
You are more than welcome for this awkward selfie of me using the palette for both my eyes and face.
This week we are welcoming another Tester Tuesday blogger to the team. It’s good to have ya, Kirsty! Check out what product reviews these talented ladies have in store for you this week!
It’s the third day of the week! That means another installment of Tester Tuesday! I’m pretty excited of the product(s) I’ll be featuring today. Everyone is familiar with Benefit’s original They’re Real! line, which contains their black, volumizing mascara and black, lash-hugging gel eyeliner. As of yesterday, June 1st, the company launched their color line in these two products! In addition to the black, the mascara now comes in brown and blue! The eyeliner, which I’ll be discussing today, can now be found in brown, purple, green, and blue.
I was given these to try out from a Benefit representative, but they will be available to purchase in store on June 26th. They are sold individually and retail for $24.
Now, if you’re unfamiliar with the concept behind these liners, let me give you a quick run-down. They are made with an innovative, lash-hugging, flexible applicator. To dispense the product, remove the orange “cap” and begin turning, or “clicking,” the bottom of the liner until you see the gel emerge. You will need to click it quite a few times initially to push the liner out.
Don’t look at my horrible nails. I SAID DON’T! Anyway, you only need the teensiest of gel to create your eyeliner. Seriously, a little goes a long way. I always end up wiping off a bit of product on my hand before each use because more comes out than needed.
Want to see the pretty colors? Here you go!
I took a picture of the swatches outdoors, indoors, and on white paper. Hopefully that gives you a clear view of the shades.
Pros:
The colors really are beautiful, and it’s fun to play around with looks using these eyeliners.
Once you get that perfect shape, your liner isn’t budging until you take it off with remover.
The gel “pen” packaging makes them super travel-friendly.
Cons:
If you end up using too much product, it can flake. See below picture for an example of this:
All I did here was rub my hand lightly over the swatches a few times. Mind you, most people won’t be touching their eyes once their makeup is applied, but I figured I’d include this as a downfall anyway. I have had this happen during my initial application when I went over the same area more than once while trying to make an even line.
You end up wasting product when you constantly have to wipe away the excess before using.
This product takes practice. Don’t expect to master this liner the first time you use it.
Feels heavy on the eyelid.
So should you buy them?
If you loved the original They’re Real! Push-Up Liner, then definitely. It’s the same product you love, just in new, fun colors! If you’re looking for a beginner-friendly eyeliner product, then I might recommend going into a store and playing with a tester first to see if it’s something you’re comfortable with using.
As for me, I kind of feel like going into a small rage when I use these eyeliners. They take far too much work for me. For this look I played around with the Beyond Purple shade on my top lid. After TWENTY MINUTES of trying to get crisp, even lines, I ended up with what’s pictured above. That made for a very irritated Rachel. I’ll be real with you..I really, really wanted to like these, but I just don’t. I’d rather give you my honesty than just serve you a bunch of fluff. And by the way, I looked like a crazy person running down my driveway in my pajamas trying to catch the light in order to photograph this look. But I own that crazy, girl! Anything for you lovelies!
Hopefully this little review helped! I love that the cosmetic world is having more fun with color lately. I feel like I’m back in the late nineties when I used to sport my blue mascara on a daily basis. Man, I was cool! I wasn’t..
As per usual, don’t forget to check out the blog posts of the other, amazing Tester Tuesday ladies! Click the links below to see what products they’re testing out today!
Today, my friends, I felt like a badass. A few factors contributed to this feeling. One, I wore my infamous pleather pants. Two, I’ve recently fallen even more in love with my forearm tattoo, so I made sure to wear a 3/4 length sleeve to show that puppy off today. Three, I recently had some darkness added to the underside of my blonde hair by a stylist friend. I like to think it represents my hidden, dark nature…or something. And four, I sported a bright, bold makeup look tonight. All those little tidbits combined really helped my inner tough girl blossom. This is all quite ironic because I am the least intimidating person I know. It’s all smoke and mirrors, but that can be our little secret.
I thought I’d share that bright makeup look tonight with a quick breakdown of the products used. Hope you enjoy and perhaps gain some inspiration from it yourself. Go out and be bold!
Face:
Stila Stay All Day 10-in-1 HD Illuminating Beauty Balm
Tarte Amazonian Clay Foundation in Fair Beige
Maybelline New York Master Conceal in Fair
Pixie Bronzer in Summerime
Tarte Blush in Classic
Cornstarch to set, as per usual
Eyes:
Lorac Pro Contour Palette (Yes, it’s for the face..but I’m a badass and I break the rules, remember?)
Ulta Gel Eyeliner in Aqua
Benefit Roller Lash
Anastasia Brow Wiz in Taupe
Lips:
Colourpop Lip Liner in I Heart This
Bite Beauty Lipstick in Palomino
See? I told you that was quick! The next time you do your makeup, have some fun with color! Whatever you choose to apply, just wear it confidently!
Whelp, it’s that time again! Welcome back to another Tester Tuesday review! Today, I’ll be talking about the Kakadu C Amethyst Detox Mask by DERMAdoctor.
This product normally retails for $58 (1.7oz), but I was given this at work in order to test it out for my job. What am I going to do when I no longer work for Ulta? Probably just grieve for the fact that I now have to spend much more for my beloved beauty products, that’s what… Anyway, I thought I’d showcase this product since my skin hasn’t been on its best behavior lately. I’ve been breaking out more frequently than normal, so a good detoxing is just what the doctor-or DERMAdoctor-ordered. See what I did there?
This mask is made with an ingredient called the Kakadu Plum, which is a fruit native to Australia. It is said to contain 55x more Vitamin C than Florida Oranges. So why is that a good thing? Vitamin C is a potent antioxidant. It helps protect the skin from environmental aggressors by fighting free radical damage (as stated on DermaDoctor.com).
More specifically, this mask is formulated with magnesium to absorb impurities and detoxify without removing the natural, important oils in your skin. To use, smooth a generous layer all over your face and let it dry for 15 minutes. After, rinse with warm water and pat dry. This can also be used on the neck and back. The label suggests you use the mask up to 3x a week.
So does it really work?
Didn’t think I could make a clay mask sexy, did ya? Well, you were right…
This was my third time using this product, and I’m pretty happy with the results! My blemishes seem to slowly be diminishing, but my skin doesn’t feel overly dry. I’ll just take the company’s word for it that it’s “protecting my skin from free radicals.” That’s a tough claim to judge. I should also mention that the mask has a fresh, citrus-y smell which is quite pleasant! So all in all, yes, I do think this mask works. I believe that using this product frequently throughout an extended period of time would provide you with even better results. Would I normally pay $58 dollars for it? That’s a gigantic NOPE! But since I got this product for free, I will happily use it until it’s gone. But hey, if you have a fatter wallet than I do then knock yourself out!
Just a heads up- I have something pretty darn exciting planned for next Tuesday. Mums the word, so be sure to check back in next week! Hint: If you’re a fan of Benefit Cosmetics, you’ll be stoked!
As usual, check out my fellow Tester Tuesday ladies for more quick, trustworthy reviews! They’re all such talented bloggers, and you won’t regret taking a minute out of your day to check them out!
Before I go, let’s just have an “experience part of my day” moment. I frequently visit our local pet shelter because I’m a crazy cat lady and they have an amazing cat room. It’s full of scratching posts, shelves to climb, nooks, toys, etc. It’s pretty awesome. When I go, there are usually around five-ish cats, but NOT this time! Today there were ELEVEN kittens gleefully running around! I was in heaven.
You guys! I just can’t EVEN! I may have called (begged) my husband to allow me to take the little orange and white one home, but it was a heartbreaking no. Good thing I already own two from this shelter, or I’d be devastated. 😁
I just thought you all might enjoy these little tykes as much as I did!
I’ve been nominated for a few tag posts lately, and the common theme seems to be sharing information about yourself. Since I’m horrible at following actual directions, I figured I’d just write a post giving you fifty facts about myself…because apparently I’m feeling self-centered today.
It’s probably going to be a challenge to come up with so many personal details, but let’s give it a go!
I’m an only child, but hopefully you wouldn’t be able to tell that upon meeting me.
I’m cat obsessed. Ob-freaking-sessed. My fat cat, Nellie, and I are bffs. She is literally always right by my side and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I am a mommy to the best little boy in the whole world. He is my heart.
I will have been married to my husband for 10 years in 2016.
We got married super young. I was 20 and he was 21.
I love makeup and beauty because of its artistry. I love finding out what colors pair beautifully together and coming up with cohesive looks. I view faces as canvases and love making people feel their best.
I lived in the same house for the first 20 years of my life.
I dream frequently, and they’re always vivid and intense.
I have a condition which makes it hard to stay pregnant and lost my first son at 20 weeks gestation. It took six months of strict bed rest, a procedure, and several other precautions to successfully give birth to my son.
Regardless of the prior fact, we are ready to try again for another kiddo. It’s both exciting and terrifying.
I have a lip product problem…my willpower is nonexistent when it comes to wanting more.
I deal with moderate anxiety that used to be quite severe.
I love all things paranormal.
I would love to go ghost hunting/Bigfoot hunting/etc.
Napping is my favorite hobby and I wish I could participate in it more often.
I love to paint.
I have a love/hate relationship with nature. I love it’s beauty, but hate feeling too hot or too cold. So basically, I love nature when it’s a perfect 65 degrees.
I’m constantly breaking out into song and dance, especially at work.
I suck at video games.
I hate all sports.
I love to go for drives. I find it very relaxing, especially when I’m the passenger.
Speaking of driving, I’m a typical female driver. At least I admit it.
I almost never feel embarrassed. I’m so awkward that I’ve become accustomed to uncomfortable situations.
I’m a night owl.
My husband and child say that I snore, but I don’t believe them. 😒
I’m scared of deep water, mostly because of what could be lurking underneath.
Fall is my favorite season.
I don’t like living in a neighborhood, so it’s my goal to own land one day.
I used to be quite good at riding horses and have a collection of ribbons to prove it. I hope to own a horse one day.
Singing is another hobby of mine.
I’m a terrible cook, but I’m a decent baker.
I have a bit of wanderlust and wouldn’t mind moving every few years, but I wouldn’t want to uproot my child.
I’m an ambivert. A person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features.
I’m allergic to both cats and dogs, but own both.
I hate seafood.
I love unique music, so you’ll hardly ever catch me listening to the radio. Spotify is a lifesaver.
I collect travel mugs for the coffee I’m always drinking.
I’ve never broken a bone.
I have 4 tattoos.
I’m impulsive, and it gets me into trouble at times.
I love scary movies/tv shows.
My favorite color is yellow because it’s so bright and happy.
I have pretty extreme road rage. This is mainly because I’m always running late.. Mornings are hard, ok?
I’m a romantic. I love sweet surprises and when my husband goes out of his way to show me he loves me. Basically, this fact could have just been, “I’m a girl.” 😋
I love to write. This blog has opened up a world to me that I desperately needed. I love expressing myself through written word.
I laugh All. Day. Long. I surround myself with positive and funny people because I love finding humor in every day life.
Interior decorating is enjoyable for me.
I’ve never been outside the U.S.
I seriously think I have a form of ADD. Ask my husband…
I can’t sleep without some form of white noise, preferably a fan.
Whew! That was a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I hope you enjoyed finding out a little more about myself, and I’d love to learn more about you as well! I tag anyone and everyone to do this little challenge!
Stay weird, loves!
-Rachel
I figured a recent picture of myself would be an appropriate way to end this post..
Two posts in two days! Look who’s on a roll! Before I begin this post, I have to say that I was going to blog last month after receiving my April bag, but two of my products were damaged. How disappointing! After doing some research, I found that many of you had the same experience (especially with the lipstick). Can anyone reading this relate? I was relieved when I opened my May Glam Bag yesterday and found all the samples in tact. Ah well, hopefully it was just a fluke and we will have better luck here on out!
First of all, can I just point out how adorable the bag is this month? I’ll be getting a lot of use out of it because makeup literally IS my life. Well, that and my family…and my..cats. Stop judging me. Alright, let’s break down the contents!
First up is a deluxe sample of Pixi’s Beauty Bronzer in the shade Summertime. While I’m happy with the size of this sample, I’m a little leery of the fact that it’s shimmery and a bit on the orange side of the bronzer spectrum. But hey, I’m up for giving it a whirl!
Next up are samples of Urban Decay’s Revolution High-Color Lipglosses in the shades Failbait and Bittersweet, as well as their mini 24/7 Glide On Lip Pencil in Ozone. Because I just did a review on these Lipglosses yesterday, I won’t say much about them other than I despise when lip products come in these messy little plastic cases. I love the product, but there’s a good chance I’m just throwing away the gloss samples after I write this post. Click here to read my review and see a lip swatch of one of the shades. The lip liner, on the other hand, will be very useful and I’m looking forward to playing with it more! On the packaging, Urban states that this pencil “…applies invisibly, glides on smoothly and grabs on to color to help it last. Use it to fill in fine lines, prevent feathering and correct mistakes!” I actually went to an Urban Decay training for my job last week and was able to test this product out. My favorite way to use it is as an anti-smudging border for my bright lipsticks. Definitely pick it up!
Next we have a sample of SPF 30 facial sunscreen from Bare Republic. After rubbing in the bit on my hand, I found the product was quite greasy. That’s a huge sunscreen pet peeve of mine. The pluses of it are the fact that it’s chemical-free, water resistant, and has a pleasant, coconut-y smell. Also, the size is super convenient for travel or for carrying around in your purse. I’m not sure how much use I’ll get out of it due to the consistency, but it seems to be a good overall product.
Here we have a synthetic #205 Tapered Blending Brush from the brand Luxie. The bristles are super soft and one can never EVER have too many eye makeup brushes. Yay!
And finally, the last product I received is Bellapierre Cosmetic’s Gel Eyeliner in Ebony. If you’re a fan of using mostly natural makeup products, this liner is for you! The packaging states this product is “preservative-free and made with pure 100% minerals, natural waxes, and anti oxidents.” The swatch above glided on effortlessly. As you can see in the last picture, I had let the liner set for about a minute and then went to town trying to see if I could get it to smudge. I’d say it held it’s own! I’m impressed!
What a lovely little bag this month! Usually I incorporate the full size prices of these items if you’re interested, but I’m feeling rather lazy tonight. I’ll just say that all of these products fit into the $1-$25 range. I can feel your disapproval..
Oh! I also wanted to say that I’m working on another giveaway, so stay tuned for that!
Good evening, my loves! It’s Tuesday and as promised, I have another product to test out for you! I have recently joined blogging forces with three beautiful ladies for this series. They are:
Check out their blogs. You won’t be disappointed. I’m the newbie on the block, so welcome if it’s your first time here! I’m so glad you’ve wandered across my strange little piece of the web!
Back to the product. Today I’m going to be trying out one of the new, Urban Decay High-Color Lipglosses in the shade Bittersweet.
On the Urban Decay website, these glosses are described as having “insanely intense color with badass shine.” While they’re not actual liquid lipsticks, these little bad boys are highly pigmented. They also contain an ingredient called Hilurlip which is said to “define and hydrate the lips while making them appear plumper and fuller.” They retail for $22 per gloss, come in 14 unique shades, and range in finishes from cream to high sparkle.
Here are a few pictures of yours truly after applying a thick layer of Bittersweet to my lips.
I’m honestly quite impressed. The color payoff really packs a punch! I was given this shade at work (perks of being a manager at a makeup store), but normally I’m not really a purple lip kinda gal. But hey…I sort of like it! Perhaps I’ll add this shade to my monthly lip arsenal? I should also let you know that this product is quite sticky. I know that’s not everybody’s jam, but the texture does help the gloss last quite a while. Also, this shade did stain my lips (and hand) which adds to the longevity.
So..the big question. Should you buy these?
I honestly think these Urban Decay Lipglosses are worth your money. It’s hard to find a long-wearing, pigmented lipgloss. Like I said, these don’t disappoint!
Alright, loves! Remember to check out the other blogs listed above for more quick, informative Tuesday reviews!
The Awkward Addict 